Make the Game Your Own: Embracing That You Don’t Fit the Mold

For years, I tried to fit the mold.

I walked into boardrooms adjusting my tone, curating my presence, and meticulously ensuring I was palatable enough to be taken seriously. I second-guessed my instincts, dimmed my voice, and played by the rules that someone else had written. And for what? Approval? Acceptance? A seat at a table that was never built with me in mind?

Then one day, I asked myself: What if I stop trying to fit in and start playing by my own rules?

The Power of Owning Who You Are

Psychologists call it self-determination theory—the idea that human beings thrive when they operate from a place of autonomy, competence, and relatedness (Deci & Ryan, 2000). In simpler terms? The more we embrace our authentic selves, the more powerful we become.

Yet, so many of us shrink. We measure ourselves against an outdated blueprint of success that was never meant to accommodate our voices, our strengths, our way of being. We contort ourselves to fit a mold, never questioning whether the mold itself is flawed.

But let me tell you this: Some of the most successful people in history didn’t fit in. They redefined the game entirely.

Oprah Winfrey revolutionized media by refusing to conform to the traditional, detached journalist persona. Serena Williams dominated tennis by unapologetically embracing her power, passion, and confidence on the court. Elon Musk disrupted industries not by following norms but by questioning them.

Double Down and Lean Into Your Strengths

The moment I stopped trying to become someone I thought the world would accept and started leaning into the person I already was, everything shifted. Research confirms that leveraging our strengths leads to greater career satisfaction, engagement, and overall success (Clifton & Harter, 2003). When we operate from a place of natural ability—rather than trying to mold ourselves into someone else’s definition of excellence—we unlock our fullest potential.

So, I ask you: What would happen if you stopped apologizing for what makes you different and started amplifying it instead?

Rewriting the Rules

When you stop playing someone else’s game and start making it your own, you become undeniable. You walk into rooms with the confidence of someone who knows they belong—not because they fit, but because they bring something no one else can.

The mold was never meant for you. And that’s the best news you’ll ever receive.

So break it. Rewrite the rules. Lean all the way into who you are.

Because the world doesn’t need another imitation. It needs you.

References

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "What" and "Why" of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

• Clifton, D. O., & Harter, J. K. (2003). Investing in Strengths. In Positive Organizational Scholarship: Foundations of a New Discipline (pp. 111–121). Berrett-Koehler Publishers.